2016 was a banner year for . Outages at airlines, hacks of political emails, an IoT-based DDoS attack disrupting Internet service, and on and on. Will we have more 9-digit doozies in 2017? Of course we will. To liven up New Years’ revelry, here are 10 improbably possible predictions with 9-digit implications.
10. More SQL will be injected than drugs.
SQL injection is still among the most common flaws exploited by hackers for stealing confidential personal data. In fact, the scars of multiple can be seen on far too many customer-facing applications. Developers will spread the epidemic by reusing infected software. By mid-2017 the US Justice Department will declare a War on injected SQL. Nevertheless, it will fail because CIOs have become addicted to the flood of cheap SQL entering the country from overseas.
9. Agilistas will declare a free state in California
Led by Extremist Programmers, hordes of Agile Developers will declare Silicon Valley a free state in March 2017. Mayors will be replaced by City Masters who advise but do not govern. All architects will be deported to North Dakota. Daily stand-ups will be held in all local coffee houses to share trade secrets. All new buildings will be constructed in a succession of modules built in two-week hammer-sprints. In December 2017, buildings throughout the valley will collapse from a 2.0 earthquake when it is discovered that none of the representatives describing the modules they wanted actually stated requirements for a foundation.
8. Large banks move all credit card operations to Novosibirsk
To co-locate credit card operations with credit card data, in Q1 and relocate all credit card operations to Novosibirsk. Banks will cite Russia’s large talent pool with experience in rapidly acquiring and distributing credit card numbers. Vladimir Putin hails the acquisition as a major success from Russia’s investment in computer science education.
. Apple is confident that dwellers will be so taken with the beauty of their abode, they will ignore its learning curve. To ensure a supply appliances for the iHouse, Apple will acquire Sears and Roebuck and merge it into the App Store.
5. President Trump announces Buffer Dams as the foundation of his homeland security policy
Having been informed that buffer overflows are a major security threat to all Americans, President Trump will announce shortly after his inauguration that “I will not allow any American to be drowned in the overflow of a buffer that the previous Administration did not inspect and secure. Within the next 60 days I will order the construction of buffer dams all across our country to protect Americans from the ravages of overflowing buffers. We will make buffers great again.” He will further assign US Homeland Security agents to guard every major buffer in America from terrorists.
4. Reuse will increase productivity by an order of magnitude…really, I promise this time!
During the 2017 holidays the MIT Computer Science Department will publish the following letter in the New York Sun. “Yes, Virginia, there really is reuse. It exists as certainly as compilers and keyboards and COBOL exist…Alas! How dreary would be the world without the promise that reuse will free us from programming drudgery!…Not believe in reuse! You might as well not believe in !… No reuse! Thank Turing it lives and it lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay 10 times 10 thousand years from now, it will continue to make glad the hearts of programmers with the eternal promise that this is the year reuse changes everything.”
. To satisfy constitutional mandates, IBM will provide documented evidence that Watson was naturally conceived in the United States on a foundation of intellectual property that is over 35 years old. President Trump will lead a contingent of birthers claiming that Watson’s hardware components were born in China.
1. 3D Printing decimates the Internet porn industry
No explanation required.
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